You can only relate to the pain if you have already been through it. The shortness of breath which seizes to be under your control, the wandering thoughts which wanders the empty tracks of past, now seems to be exhausted, decaying and eventually dying. I wanted to stop her, I wanted to refuse when she asked me to leave her, but I could not. I did not utter a single word, as if the mind had stopped thinking and the heart beats left their track.
She was standing in front of me, I wanted to say a lot, wanted to tell her to wait, and make her understand. She was everything I ever dreamt of and I could not afford to lose her. How could I? She would be losing a moment in her world, I was losing my world in that moment. I wanted to convey everything, but I stood there, conveying just my silence.. which was an approval of what she wanted.
I do not know why she wanted to leave me, I did love her, so did she. What were the mistakes? we both were perfect and everything seemed alright! There were some common truths to be spoken, but those things would have come to their terms slowly and gradually. It was just ten months, that we had been together. Ten months. I wanted to live ages with her, wanted to grow old with her.
She was the present I lived, and the future I thought, I never wanted her to be the past I'd remember. But.. often what we think, is not what happens. Maybe because we shape ourselves in that note, sometimes, we tend to think of every situation negatively, and sometimes, probably positive. None of which is true.
I had tried harder, tried a lot. There was no one to hear the shouts I screamed, there was no one to wipe the tears which flowed, deep down somewhere, in the soul. I was looking at her, she was looking at me. She had told her decision, I had quietly agreed in the state of being numb.
She was walking away. Leaving behind everything. The moments we shared, the joys we shared, the happiness of her share, and the tears too. She had given me all back, and was walking away. I could not call her, I could not tell her to wait, I was numb. How often in life, do we get into situations where everything happens very slowly yet you do not have any control on them. You just watch things happen and somewhere deep inside, gather strength to face the consequences. Because.. at that moment you do not have energy to fight the happenings and shape the consequences.
With every blank moment, she was going farther, farther away. Oh how I wish, I could gather some strength, walk up to her, hold her by arm and tell her that it is fine, we will do it. I love you and I won't let you go. But it was not to be.
And there she went, went away from the castles of dream I had constructed for her, from the palace of love, I had designed for her, beautiful as she was. She went without turning back, but I kept looking at her. She was plain beautiful, the same, when she walked into my life. She went, and the road now seemed empty. The dreams were broken, the palaces ruined. The hopes crushed, and the vision blurry...
Its been 8 years now, those moments do not leave me. She is now like a sweet memory which is stored somewhere deep inside me. A thought of her, once a day makes me alive, makes me happy. She came, she loved, and she went. It was as if a beautiful dream had come to an end, but her memories would always be with me. I had always wished her happiness, and it lied in leaving me, so how could I say no? Because there is no past tense in love, its either you still do, or you never did.